your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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