So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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