I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
