I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
