I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
