final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i think i have herpe
just one?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
