Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
