shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
