so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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