Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
