Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
