I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
