What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Drunk is not a location!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
