I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
