break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
