Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
