Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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