my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Who died my cat blue again?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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