Your face is a jimmy john
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
