if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it glows. i had to have it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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