we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
