Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
