Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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