Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
