I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
