I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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