i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
