epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
