There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
