You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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