i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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