It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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