so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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