it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
