Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
