I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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