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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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