New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
