Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
