Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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