she woke up with a sticky ear
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
