When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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