lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
