Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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