mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
