the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
