yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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