Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
