God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
