you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
